My Job, My Wallet and I have always been pretty close. We've added each other on Facebook and write on each other's walls all the time. Admittedly i think my messages are the funnier of the three but I'd never actually come out and say that. Feelings get hurt. Things get messy. But at the end of the day, no matter who is ultimately cooler, we just love each other to pieces.
Not so long ago, however, things between My Job and I got a tad unpleasant. The friendship was waning as I guess some fickle Facebookers friendships just do. We tried to get along, we really did. I'd leave comments on photos and write on My Job's wall but it was never reciprocated. Despite the 'no poking' pact we'd all made (poking just complicates things, especially in a threesome) our friendship came down to a few half hearted pokes now and again until eventually I couldn't bring myself to click that little button anymore. No matter how hard My Wallet tried to convince me to stay friends with My Job my mind was made up and one day I snapped. I logged in, found My Job in my 'friends' list and positioned my mouse over 'remove friend' before clicking down hard.
And then we were two.
My Wallet held a deep seated resentment towards me for my hasty decision and the two of us bickered and grew snappy, but we took a long trip to Africa together in the hopes that things would settle. Instead, after two weeks the relationship was taking even more strain and we'd both lost a few pounds. My Wallet, unfortunately, more so than me.
It was upon our arrival back in the UK that we decided that in order to maintain a healthy friendship we'd need to spend less time together. It was designed to make that quality time mean so much more. So we took a bit of a breather. We see each other occasionally but whenever we do I put on a brave face and try to pretend its just hayfever that's making my eyes water. I miss the fun we shared, tagging each other in photos and inviting people to silly groups we invented when we were bored. Happy times. But I do know that I'm the one who caused all the hurt and if i ever hope to rebuild the relationship I need to invite another Job to join before My Wallet will consider playfully poking me again and suggesting we go for an impromptu little Mojito.
When i logged in this morning i saw there'd been a lot of recent activity on My Wallet's mini-feed. Yesterday My Wallet was listed as in a relationship with Penny. A lump rose in my throat. And then i saw it. The updated status message taunting me with four little grey words:
Your Wallet is empty.
Oh sweet f*ck.
13 May 2007
Poking Around In My Wallet
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
19 comments:
Bummer. Same thing happened to me after the divorce. There are always tears when Wallet and I are in the same room now. I started an illicit affair with Credit Card, but there was a little too much interest there.
You are a wordy goddess.
Hot damn, if seduction could occur via adjectives, I'd be naked on floor by noun. Um, I mean by now.
Oh, and ditto on the bummer.
Man, I dislike my job and wish I could stab it in the face.. but Wallet always restrains me. My Wallet is the voice of reason, as always.
Ouch! Great post.
Tell you what... this empty wallet syndrome is spreading!
I'm trying a special cure, which involves inviting another job as a friend while removing friends Al Cohol and Ent Ertainment.
The tricky bit is keeping job 1 and job 2 apart. Job one has this 'till death, retirement or dismissal us do part' exclusivity clause written into our relationship.
Jealousy is such a penurious attitude. Bugger.
Bummer indeed!
kyk: Credit Card really is a spiteful little bitch - always so bloody negative.
martin: ooo aaah. ok stop. no don't. no do. dammit.
betenoir: ...to coin a phrase.
inyoka: 6 degrees of separation! we have two friends in common in that case. only problem is Al Cohol and his buddy were pretty loyal towards Job and Wallet and they left me too. Fickle bastards.
See? Seduction becomes an uncontrollable force with correct punctuation...
Martin you dirty, dirty man. I thought I was the only one.
Gasp. Shock. Horror.
At least it's The EGW, my ego couldn't have handled a lesser woman.
Fab post honey - I loved it.
its like we're the same person!!!!
Creepy, huh?
You need to change your Facebook privacy settings. Are you sure that complete strangers aren't poking around in your Wallet too??
Facebook is so evil.
And you insisted on paying for the snacks, that's so wrong... I owe you one
martin: but a little... restraint... can sometimes work too.
the lush: you tell him!
insano: the chills the chills i tell ya!
wiggles: there are a couple of strangers' business cards in there. you never know.
o-d: twas the least i could do after subjecting you to the humiliation of dining with someone who had a river of balsamic constantly flowing down her wrists, had to pick red onion out of her sleeves and generally inadvertently tossed tomato chunks all over the entire establishment. you can just embarrass me next time and call it even :)
Best.Post.Ever.
aaaw, fanks fuzz :)
The Lush: Yes I am, pity no one's reaping the benefits.
Yours Truly: A lifetime of restraint gets monotonous. See above.
mart: now, are we both talking restraint in a kinky sense or is that just me going off on a smutty tangent again...? ;)
It's becoming clear to me that my mind isn't nearly impure enough to hang out around here...
Maybe I should just release my inner self: bring on the pink furry handcuffs!
On second thought, that sounds really gay, doesn't it?
mart: oh i dunno boy, i think there's a minx in there just *dying* to get out ;)
Minx? That's definitely gay then.
Damnit, what have I done?!
mart: what girl doesn't melt at the prospect of a pair of pink fluffy cuffs? or is that just me?
Post a Comment