The Ex Granny Wrangler

29 November 2006

TGW Requests The Pleasure Of Your Company

In the spirit of spreading my International Domestic Goddess status further afield, I have accepted an invitation to be Sommelier at Revo’s intimate little dinner party for 10, which in turn means I have been tagged and must now organize my own. Now seeing as it’s for 10 and I count as one (simple maths, people) herewith my proposed guestlist of 9 dinner-worthy people who are cordially invited to spend an evening in my company, tempted with an endless supply of Cristal and decadent desserts:

Wentworth Miller (I’ll be seated next to/on top of him)
Robert Mugabe (Sushi a la Polonium Mr President sir?)
Gareth Cliff (I just adore the precocious little shit.)
Chelsey & Harry (As if! I wouldn’t be caught dead at the same dinner party as her. But Harry can come. His Nazi costume will add a touch of controversy to the occasion)
Borat (For make nice talkings with Harry The Prince)
Katie Melua (So I can get drunk and vomit on her)
Brendan Cole (for a little after-dinner-hip-action. The man makes me melt in little places I didn’t know existed!)
Mr Kipling, the cake man (My thighs owe it to him)
Donald Trump (To foot the bill)

Hired Help (Consider yourselves formally invited boys): The man on the other side of the mountain, Monsieur Kyknoord & self proclaimed ‘Boffin Jock’, Mark Forrester, both topless, buffed and wearing little black bow ties and leopard print banana-hammocks.

This intimate little soiree will be held atop a luxurious little houseboat on Lake Kariba. That is of course if I am entitled to choose my location?
Petrol and bullet proof vests will be provided in the event you decide to drive to the party.
itsu, Piccadilly, will be providing a special starter for Mr Mugabe. We don’t forsee him staying for dessert.


Anonymous said...

I'm one of the help? The help? Again?

The xGW said...

Oops. So is that a yes?

Katie Possum said...

Chelsy Davy is my cousin. No shit. Well actually my second or third cousin, whom I've never met, but genuine family nonetheless. I remind myself of this whenever it looks like I might starve to death in this freezing place, that at least I could sell tabloids juicy stories about her.


In truth, I never could. I couldnt live with being that much of a shit!

The xGW said...

My little Cuz went to her 21st a few weeks ago and propped up the bar with Harry for a couple of hours. You and i will keep our cousin connections hush hush then ;)

Katie Possum said...

It only really blows my hair back because I want to one day claim to be 5785th in line to the British throne ;P

Anonymous said...

Lucky me! I'm a waiter at a dinner party with a ratio of 8 guys to 2 females...

But, I do get to where my leopard print banana-hammock, so count me in. Woohoo. Super excited!

The xGW said...

Mark: but sweetheart just LOOK at the caliber of the 20% worth of pure, unadulterated 'lady'. Ok make that 10% - i still plan on landing a carrot on Melua's outfit. And let's face it, that banana-hammock could land you in a whole lotta trouble ;)

Kate: I fall on bended knee in the presence of HRH Katie Possum :)

Katie Possum said...

*royal wave* thank you, kind pleb ;P

as Eddie Izzard (as the queen) said "soooo, what do you do? a plumber? what on earth is that?"