Big Brother I'm Watching You.

Can ya just smell the burning trail of the ratings graph as Channel 4 rockets to the stars and straight on til morning? Or are you overwhelmed with the diabolical stench of pig sh*t which is almost visibly leaking out of Jade Goody's ears?

(Aside: Hi my name is The Granny Wrangler and I watch Celebrity Big Brother)

I have often used my chosen temporary career as an excuse to watch trashy television and today more so than ever. What i haven't done however is tarnish this blog with smatterings of lust, disgust or any other reaction pertaining to trashy tv and it's characters. I've kept it tidy. Nobody wants to read about the things i'd like to do to Wentworth Miller given a bottle of honey and half an hour in a hotel room. (Ok, so maybe i mentioned him once but that was out of context and besides, Prison Break is anything but trashy - pssst...new series starts in the states on Monday by the way ;)).

For the uninformed (hows living under that rock workin' out for ya?) :

Everyone (except Osama Bin Laden who was unavailable for comment at the time) thinks Celebrity Big Brother housemate Jade Goody, ("white trash" according to Jermaine Jackson, and famous for sweet-fanny-adams) is a foul-mouthed, inarticulate lower class trashy cow, with an IQ to rival a f*cking fizz pop and a boyfriend who, I'm sure Osama would agree, is as exciting as a sodding broomstick. She and her Recruit-A-Coven buddies in the CBB house, Jo O'Meara and Danielle Lloyd, have been unwittingly making TOTAL ar*eholes of themselves across the globe by doing what thick-o's do best - bullying. And not just anyone mind you. Shilpa Shetty is, like, huge man. And not in a MickeyD's/KingPie kinda way. Like as in a random Checkers deli counter chickybabe versus Angelina Jolie kinda way.

So anyway, the world's gone nearly as mad as Jade's ma and okes are burning effigies in the streets of Bombay (or Beijing, or wherever it is they eat with their hands, Danielle) citing racist atrocities in the BB house. Fleet Street think all their Christmases have come at once, and Old Wotzit face Tony Blair even mentioned it in parliament for Google's sake (thanks Kyk).

Can anybody spell OTT? Anybody? Jade? Fancy a go? Danielle? Ooo, don't forget to breathe honey. Anybody?

* Think of this little link as an intravenous drip for all you BB addicts out there.

** Any bad language in this post is, of course, due to the influence Jade Goody has had on me. I am ashamed to say the least. But i'm not changing it.